FIREWALL (2006)

***Cross-posted on ITS A MATTER OF OPINION*** SHORT REVIEW: Harrison Ford and the amazing powers of hair plugs! Grandpa Ford saddles up once again on the dead horse known as his action movie career. As it stands, or in the case of this dead horse, as it lies rotting, Grandpa Ford’s action films now constitute him furrowing his aged brow and moving briskly when cornered. It’s not that Grandpa Ford shouldn’t be making action films whatsoever (not that this tripe is technically an action film.) The issue I have is that he is making action films that should be fronted by someone born in the last half of the last century. Harry Ford ain’t a wimp but he’s not a spring chicken either. Seeing him getting into scraps with healthy men a third of his age and winning is a little hard to swallow. Perhaps I am a little harsh but I believe that men who have to have makeup applied to cover their liver spots shouldn’t be involved in most fight scenes. Attention old people, let’s leave the butt kicking to the junior set. Should we get used to action heroes who wear black socks with shorts? Think of it this way, if we continue to let these aging stars continue to make films like this we will have to get used to car chases where they have to stop every three minutes for a toilet break and have the directional on the whole time. Enough of kicking old paint, let’s look at this stupid movie. The movie is stupid. Grandpa is a security expert at a big bank. A sneaky English waif and his mouth-breathing American counterparts kidnap Grandpa’s suspiciously young family. This has been done so Grandpa will get the waif and pals past bank security so they can steal the contents therein. The whole picture is tedious and lacks any invention. Everyone is a cookie cutter characterization we have seen a thousand times before. Some of these characterizations are actually older than Ford himself. There’s the snotty and useless teenage daughter, the quiet but technologically astute younger son and caring but strong mother/wife/professional corporate type. The only deviation from the usual bland cast is the inclusion of Paul Bettany as the villain Bill Cox. Bettany doesn’t exactly strike an ominous pose unless one is frightened he may arrange some flowers or do their hair. My long-suffering wife happened by when I was forcing myself through this pabulum and was confused. No, I wasn’t watching a new show on Bravo, this was a serious movie. I had to point out than no Beattany was not gay, he’s just British. This is a common mistake. This droll piece doesn’t satisfy even if you want to turn your mind off for an hour and a half. The lacking script and mechanical performances disrupt any possibly of getting lost in the movie. At no time are you allowed to forget that you are watching a movie and not a very good one at that. The only reason I made it all of the way through is because I wanted to see if Ford would break away from the action to yell at the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn. Categories: film, movie review, Harrison Ford, Paul Bettany, Virginia Madsen