HOSTEL (2005)

SHORT REVIEW: This is a movie about Europeans torturing Americans. Seems to be fair turnabout, we've been exporting our movies to them for decades. Juvenile crap. Just between us, I don’t really feel like I need to write more. Stating “Juvenile crap” essentially sums my feelings about this tripe. When are the adults going to start making movies again? Executive producer Quentin Tarantino and writer/director Eli Roth have created quite the inelegant, moronic heap of trash with this outing. A childish film without style, inspiration and tension, there is no real reason to see this production. Three sex craved jerks are lured to a hostel by the promise of meeting easy European girls. Once there, they discover that a violent fate awaits them. Think of it as a kind of roach motel for horny American dimwits. I will try not to spit out plot points like I did with my review of Wolf Creek but I will tell you that it wouldn’t matter if I did. Roth’s lame tale is so goofy it can’t be ruined. As I mentioned, the film is without style and comes across as half cooked. Eli Roth is a weak talent who has somehow managed to find the elevated status of Hollywood director but the job is clearly beyond his skills. His writing is simplistic and uneasy. His character work is forced and his scenes, while efficient, are without combustion or consequence. Roth’s direction exposes the thinness in his script instead of compensating when needed. This is readily apparent in the film’s final act where the hero exacts his improbably revenge in a chain of laughable scenes. Roth spends so much time showing his characters sexing it up and smoking hash in the first act that he is forced to push the final act. Actors Jay Hernandez and Derek Richardson show charisma and handle their roles easily. While being in this film isn’t exactly acting school, These two outshine their unlikable characters. Another notable performance comes from a little known character actor I just love. Rick Hoffman makes a brief appearance and for me it was like finding a twenty-dollar bill on the street. This film stinks, but then wham! Hoffman makes an appearance and steals another scene. I don’t know what it is about this guy but I love his stuff. Basically, he’s like Eric Bogosian but without the restraint. You won’t know this guy if you saw him but as a fan of character actors, I relish his brief scenes. Granted, he’s playing a role that was probably written for Tarantino to play given its kinetic dialog but what the heck. Okay, enough of my obscure film geek references. To sum up, Hostel is not worth your time. I don’t care if you’re a teenage boy looking for a cheap thrill to cull the irrational need for violence in your pubescent brain. I don’t care if you watch whatever comes down the pipe because you are devoid of discernment. I don’t care if you always watch horrible movies and actively seek it out because of deep-seated issues with self-loathing. This is unadulterated crap and you can do better. Even if you don’t have any standards, this thing will let you down. This film’s only function is to prove that we are not keeping tight enough reins on who gets to make movies today. To think, there are actual talented writers and directors out there who can’t make movies and Roth gets to toss this at us without being laughed out of the industry. We now have tangible proof that life isn’t fair. Categories: film, movie review, Hostel, Quentin Tarantino, Eli Roth, Derek Richardson, Jay Hernandez, Barbara Nedeljakova