KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (2005)

SHORT REVIEW: I understand the “Special Edition” of this DVD comes with a hand written apology by the director. This is a gorgeous film. The cinematography, scenery, props, costuming and editing all play against one another beautifully, offering a rich tapestry of light and sound. If you watch this film with the mute on and skip the dialog scenes, you will enjoy yourself immensely. I liken this film to a beautiful woman viewed from across the room who, once approached, reveals she has the voice of a banshee. Ridley Scott is a great director. One of the best things about him is that he is willing to take great chances. Look at films like Thelma & Louise, Alien and Blade Runner and say this guy ain’t about taking risks. The problem with risk takers is that sometimes they are wrong. Like the Germans, the only mistakes Ridley Scott makes are are HUGE ones (G.I. Jane, Legend, Hannibal.) While watching this film I kept pining for the simple, direct story of Scott’s previous historical slaughterhouse, Gladiator. This film has much of the same feel as Gladiator without all of that pesky character work and storyline. I will admit to being quite the moron. I’m man enough to admit that I have the IQ of a soap dish. For the life of me I couldn’t keep track of who was who and who was going where and why all of these whos were going to the wheres there had to go to. Ridley, throw me a rope! I’m drowning in your narrative! This film is nearly unwatchable because of the convoluted story coupled with very thin characters. Beyond not being able to remember people’s names or motivations, I didn’t care about them as people in the first place. The actors didn’t have much to work with. This is why cutey-pie Orlando Bloom recreates his role of Will Turner for this film and why Liam Neeson presents us with Qui-Gon Jinn with a haircut. When viewing a film, the characters shown to be should be drawn fully enough so that I don’t think of characters from other productions. For example, when you watched Bloom play Will Turner did you think of Lord of The Rings? When you first watched Neeson as Qui-Gon Jinn in The Phantom Menace did you find yourself thinking of Rob Roy? The characters in this script are so empty they had to be filled by the actor’s previous work. Now on to the theological/political stuff: Again, I will go back to how much of a moron I am. I know nearly nothing about The Crusades other than it made a lot of people mad. Thanks to this film, I now know it’s all whitey’s fault. This film offers the impressive historical perspective that all Christians are blithering, violent bastards and all Muslims are patient, thoughtful wise men. Thanks for clearing that up. It’s a good thing that all of the good guys in the film who are “Christian” don’t actually buy all of that Christian crap. Each of the good guys articulate clearly their enlightened post-modern thinking and place themselves above all of that nasty Christ stuff. Maybe if they became Muslims they would be happier. I’m thrilled a film about The Crusades made in the midst of WWIII is even handed enough to look at the subject without a bias for or against a particular group. Ahh, what a breath of fresh air! This movie could have been brilliant. The Crusades is a deep topic with plenty to offer. I hope that someday someone will delve back into this important historical subject and provide a viewable story that can entertain and instruct. RELATED REVIEWS: Other Ridley Scott films Gladiator (2000) Black Hawk Down (2001) Categories: film review, Kingdom of Heaven, Orlando Bloom, Ridley Scott, crusades